No Regrets

To all my dear friends and family,


I am writing to let you know that as of July 4th I am no longer be a Peace Corps Volunteer in El Salvador. It was a really hard, long, thought out decision, but one that I finally felt confident about making. The last few months in my community I felt it was just my pride keeping me there. I had made this commitment and wanted to fulfill it, prove to myself and my peers that I could do it. 


However many things happened over the past year that made adjusting, incorporating and living in my community very difficult. I wanted things to change. I wanted for the youth and community to get inspired to work with me and not be so apathetic. I wanted to want to stay. I wanted to feel happy and myself again. I wanted to feel safe and unafraid to travel and move about the country. I wanted this lingering depression and weight on my shoulders to lift. But they didn't. 


I felt this way for some time, but did a pretty good job at sucking it up and hiding from most everyone most of the time. So after weighing all my options: sticking it out, continuing to hope for change, site change, or just leaving I decided 6 months of waiting was enough. I didn't want to spend the next year feeling this way and then for things to never change. Life is too short. So I headed back to Texas to start over once again. I know now it was the right decision, just as I knew going to El Salvador a year ago was the right decision. I wouldn’t take any of it back and am glad to have walked this road, felt what I felt and learned all I am continuing to learn from the experience. Unfortunately my road was cut a little shorter than originally planned.


When Mother Teresa was accepting her Nobel Peace Prize, someone asked her: “What can we do to promote world peace?” Her response: “Go home and love your family.” I am presently living at home in Fredericksburg looking for a job (and a car!), volunteering at the VA Hospital, meanwhile learning French and to embroider. I hope to move to Austin within the next month or so. Thank you for your constant love and support through this journey. 


With all my love and gratitude,

Jennifer

Written amidst making and post my decision to come home...

They say follow your heart,

But I got lost when it lead me here

So listen to your gut,

But my gut is full of stifling fear

Let the spirit guide you the long hard miles,

But it confuses me in a labyrinth of trials

So where do I go with all of these mixed emotions?

They pull me up and down, back and forth

Who do I listen to when everyone has the answer,

But no one will tell me what it's all worth?
Talk, talk, stay, go

I don't know what to do

All these commitments that only weigh me down,

And never pull me through.

Yes, yes, maybe, no

I can't make everyone content

I can only do what I hope to not lament

Keep moving forward

With happiness as my lure

Forging my own way slow but sure

My heart is not leading

But it keeps on beat, beat, beating

My gut is still not talking,

And the spirits not walking.

But I know where I must go from here.

There is a strength within that tells me what's right.

Mostly I don't want to listen but it fights with me day and night

So finally I have given in to what has been long true

I'm sorry to leave you

To move on in this way

But I know it's what I must do

Adios El Salvador

I'm walking away from Peace Corps.

New Contact Info:

P.O. Box 853

Fredericksburg, TX 78624

Tel. 512.565.6747